Read it and weep, suckers.

I hate to disappoint any readers who come to What the Faith to see what I’m ranting about any given week, but as my friend Jenn pointed out in a recent blog post,  it can get hard to maintain a sense of rage, sometimes. In fact, lately, it seems that my “anger gland” (or whatever squishy thing inside of me that produces rage) has been on the fritz. I wish I could say that it’s been because I’ve been happy, but really, it’s been because I’ve been worried sick.

As I’ve mentioned before, the What the Faith folks are moving to Minneapolis. Probably. With 97% probability. But it’s a messy, messy thing. The people who own our home (who decided, quite surprisingly, not to renew our lease – even though they swore up and down that they would, that they wanted us in there for a long time) will not allow us to pay another month’s rent, and our house sale could close as late as the end of September. Because I can’t afford to put a family of seven (including four grown-ups) into a hotel for a month, we have to let the owners evict us.


And then there are the appraisers – for some reason, they keep claiming that the credit card number we’ve given them is getting declined, even though a) the bank swears there have been no attempts made by anyone for the appraisal, b) we can clearly see that there is plenty of money on the card, and c) we’ve totally given the loan officer the correct number, like, seventy times.  Every time we have to confirm with the loan officer that the credit card is right, that the appraiser must be typing it in incorrectly, we have to wait another 3 or 4 days for them to call us back saying it’s not working. So far it’s tacked about 10 days onto the closing process, and since we’re trying to avoid coming before a judge to beg for more time to complete this sale, you can imagine that it’s giving me an ulcer.

Not literally. Yet.

Now, the point of this post isn’t to whine and cry about this stuff – it’s just to give you a context for why the following article by comedy website made me cry three times during my lunch break.

Read that. Have tissues ready.

Let it all out, big guy.

Have you ever had a moment where you’re so thankful that you can’t put it into words? That’s what happened to me, when I read that article. I was thankful to God for giving us broken humans an instinct to occasionally be awesome. I was thankful for Cracked editor David Wong putting that article together, and giving me something besides cynicism and worry to think about, even if just for a day. I was thankful that people have taken such adorable videos. Really, I was a mess of leaky-eyed thankfulness.

So I’m sorry to any readers who like to get a dose of cynicism from me. I know I’m usually pretty good at it – and don’t worry, I’ll be back to that as soon as my anger gland starts working again.

One final request – we are asking for prayers from anyone and everyone to help us get through these obstacles that we’re facing. We have a sneaking suspicion that there may be a spiritual aspect to the troubles we’re facing, and we’re asking for prayer that God clears us a path. But since this is What the Faith, and you (probably) came here hoping for something fun, let’s make this prayer request unique, shall we?

Would you pray for God to do something horrible to any spiritual oppressors the Mitchells are facing? What terrifying fate would you wish upon our demonic foes? Is it a “Twilight” marathon? An “all you can eat” lutefisk buffet?  A “One Direction” album? A swift kick to the nether-regions? Please pray for your punishment of choice for the Enemy that the Mitchells may be facing, and let me know what it is! Maybe word will get around, and the oppression will stop for fear of the righteous retribution that comes from the prayers of the world’s most twisted Christians! 

“They asked God to do what to my what?”


About Daniel Mitchell

50% of "What the Faith?!?!", a blog about two skeptics who turned to God for no apparent reason. View all posts by Daniel Mitchell

13 responses to “Read it and weep, suckers.

  • Camo Cotten

    I liked the lutefisk buffet image. But speaking of nether regions, how about that their nether regions are very itchy and their arms are too short to reach.

    Also, that was the worst segue ever.

  • Jennwith2ns

    Haha! You’re funny even when you’re stressed and “under attack!” 🙂 Of course I’ll pray. I’m not too good with retribution prayers, but I guess I could plagiarise some Psalms for help . . .

  • visitingmissouri

    I was reading the exact same article and was hoping to actually cry. It was a good moment. My fiancee was reading her book and I told her some stories. The book was more compelling. I wonder if she has a heart.

    I’m kidding, she is wonderful, but slightly autistic when reading.

    Also, I will pray for those who oppress you, that their radio breaks and can only choose the Disney channel. Is there a Disney channel? Wait, I have to believe in the power of prayer.

    • Daniel Mitchell

      Oh, there’s a Disney channel, alright. Although, the greater question is, is there a Disney channel in hell? What am I asking – of COURSE there is.

      Also, I saw that a LOT of people have been re-blogging that article on Cracked. Guess I wasn’t the only one with dampened eyes.

  • Melissa Sutton

    Daniel, trials- man…dear sweet friend I feel for you and it will be all right.
    You have your damned wits and wittiness and you are sorta a hero to me.
    May the evil forces be tied down and forced to look at butterflies. Cuz they are just too damned beautiful.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: